MIDNIGHT DEW
That smile, that glance,
That walk, that look,
That puts me in a trance,
My world you shook.
So perfect, so fair,
With majestic, straight hair,
I thought you were mine for the taking,
But, alas, I was so wrong; my heart is breaking.
A feeling so pure, a feeling so true,
A feeling I have for few,
It was weird; it was great,
To spend my life with you, I thought was my fate.
So few of words, so full of power,
A power to overcome my desire,
To spend a night with you,
Under the moonlit sky; a fantasy, a blur.
And as you talk softly, so gracefully,
Time slows by, oh ever so slowly,
To hope that every second could be spent like this,
A wish, an opportunity I definitely would not miss.
So with all the sacrifices,
I was prepared to make for you,
Like a ship in the ocean wild that capsizes,
You declined me and broke my heart in two.
So in a barren desert you left me stranded,
Alone, confused and branded,
But no matter what you say or what you do,
My love for you, you have no clue.
But all I have to say before I go,
My love for you will forever flow,
As long as the Nile and as deep as the sea,
Without you, you know, I never will be free!
7 Comments:
a classic! love ur poem dude.....write more n more n more!
looking fwd to ur posts! :)
love,
shiv
gorgeous poem, straight from the heart,my fave bit is the first bit, before it gets depressing,hehe.
You're so gay dude! haha,just kidding of course,awesome poem man.i'll
be needing you to write my love letters from now on=)keep up the good
rhymes!!
wow!! tht's awesomely long dude!
kool poem..
keep up da gud wrk!
gud luck
cheers!
hey silly thili, great poem! very depressing and hearfelt...please write some more :)
It's lovely! Any lass will melt ;-) Keep it going!
I now see ur technique man... sometimes like yoda:
"My world you shook"
or "To spend my life with you, I thought was my fate"
You had a spoiler in he poem:
"I thought you were mine for the taking,
But, alas, I was so wrong; my heart is breaking."
You spoilt the suspense build-up, IMHO, because you see this girl that is simply wow, then u reveal the end quite early.
Good ending though. Yea I know, I look into the technique quite meticulously. Like i said in the comments for the previous poem, if u polish the technique you can express your intentions in a way that will leave a more lasting wow effect on the reader, u know, give the poem that "extra punch".
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